Writing - Athena's Birthday

Last weekend I got to go to the British Museum with my family and when we were in the ancient Greek part of the Museum we found a carved stone frieze that used to be in the Parthenon.  It depicted a parade that Athena's would do to honour Athena's birthday.  Athena was the Greek Godess of wisdom and battle.  The next day did a writing sample to send to my teacher Mr Clark.  Mum gave me 45 minutes to write as if I was at the parade.  I decided to write as if I was Hermes the Messenger God who was the son of Zeus and brother of Athena.  Here is my writing:


"Hurry Up!" boomed a bold sarcastic voice pouring out in great masses to my left.  I slowly turned my head just to find myself staring sheepishly into the lavish blood-shot eyes of my father rimmed with anger and impatience.  

My name is Hermes and I was carefully carrying my annoying sister Athena mounted high inside a glistening litter through the heart of an astonishingly cruel parade.  It was designed to honour the God whose immense weight was heavily supported across my weak, skinny shoulders drooping low with exasperation.  

The early morning dew licked my pale toes like a hungry wolf eager to taste it's first drop of living flesh and the harsh sunlight pounded my back like Hephaestus's hammer.  

"I said get on with it." the gruff tone snorted once more.  
"All right.  All right." I managed to rasp.  Then with a reluctant sigh I tried my hardest to quicken my slow staggering pace.  

Suddenly the cheering crowd quietened and some mysterious priest standing tall on the base of the Parthenon drove a sleek bade across the bull's hoarse throat.  It had been sacrificed.  Then distance winds carried the erie aroma of it's blood dancing through the majestic sky."